So I write a little bitty piece on the Giants more than a week ago and now all the news that matters is going down in San Fran. Fantastic. Really. It’s great news. I’m so happy. Well, guess what? I can recycle articles all I want, baby. I still get paid!

/checks mailbox

//confirms there are no checks

Prince Fielder stole a base. It happened! And it will be forever immortalized.

Fielder joining the Tigers marks the AL Central’s biggest move. I would not call Dave Dombrowski a genius or anything, but the replacement for Victor Martinez will probably work out in 2012. We already knew the Tigers had elite talent, but the former Brewers slugger pushes them to another level. Gleaning whether that is the case involves a look through the division’s talent.

Fantasy articles are not too difficult. Find a concept, stick to the concept and offer some advice based on your beliefs on what will happen. They are rather ho-hum and to the point. Some use stats to defend their points; I’m not sure what others do. Many will include humor or an attempt at poking a little fun at players or teams. With that setup in mind, Tristan H. Cockroft may have put up the most worthless fantasy article ever. Yes, Tristan H. Cockroft is paid to write for ESPN. I think. Most likely. Anyway, the article, if you do not like link-clicking, centers on “fun with early statistical paces.”

And no, Cocker™, there’s no fun for me at all.

Did you see [insert player name] last night? Dude [insert variation of pitched or hit] a beauty! He’s a stud! Man, I can’t wait until September when he carries me to a fantasy title. He’ll carry me in [insert relevant stat] as I win the league for the first time in like, forever. Damn right I’m the first to pick him up off the scrap heap. These guys were all just too slow on the [insert player’s team]’s future star. You know I got the title in hand! Jose Bautista part deux! You should write an entire article about the guy’s first week’s games.

“Fine! It sucks! Is that what you want me to say?! They suck! THEY SUCK! Why are you doing this to me? WHY?” – My response to questions surrounding Philadelphia’s offense will take a step back. And when people discuss my Final Four picks. It’s not a science, people!

As we all know, Chase Utley and Ryan Howard will be MIA in the Phils’ once-vaunted lineup when games begin and their close friendship may be affected. Howard’s Achilles’ injury occurred last year, so there’s no surprise, and enduring Utley’s absence last year primed me for the likelihood he’d miss a month or two this season. I’m sure Charlie Manuel has planned for a similar outcome. Though the Phils are in a nightmarish scenario, hope always springs eternal in . . . Spring. With Freddy Galvis, Jim Thome, John Mayberry, Laynce Nix, Ty Wigginton and some other, eh talent, the Phillies are ill-prepared for any decent pitchers. However, my good ol’ friend Juan Pierre joined the fray to save us. Christmas must have come early in the City of Brotherly Love!